The Chaplain

Sunday 25 October 2009

Sketch summary: Chaplain Gregory is anxious to leave a police call to get home to watch Survivor.

Cast:
Mike - Harold Rodgers
Lucie - Pamm Avery
Lou P - Dave Breuer

Credits:
Director - Harold Rodgers
Author - Harold Rodgers

Script:

Mark is finishing up a domestic disturbance call. The chaplain John Gregory has already gone back to the police car, but his impact still lingers.

MARK
I’m sorry about the misunderstanding. I’ll indicate in my report that a neighbor mistook your enthusiasm for the football game you were watching on tv as domestic disturbance.
[We see lights flashing from off stage. Mark turns towards car and directs his comments there.]
John, leave the lights alone.
[Back to the couple.]
So, do you have any questions?

LOU
That guy with you wasn’t a policeman right?

MARK
Right. He’s the chaplain. He rides with us occasionally.
[Siren sounds briefly. Mark looks towards the car.]
John!

LOU
I think we’re good here.
[Horn beeps off stage.]

MARK
He’s in a hurry. Survivor’s on tonight.
[Mark exits]

LUCIE
He was awful nice and understanding wasn’t he?

LOU
You’re infatuated with the uniform.

LUCIE
No, I mean the chaplain. The way he stood up for women, saying that men should accept their wives, affirm them and appreciate them.

LOU
I thought it was strange that all his points began with the letter A.

LUCIE
That’s so we would remember them.
Accept. Affirm. Appreciate.
Can you remember that?

LOU
Lucie! We didn’t have a fight. I was hollering at the football game.

LUCIE
Just the same, those were good points to remember.

LOU
Okay. Okay. But don’t you think his last comment was a little strange that when he looked at both of us? “And all God’s people said…”?

LUCIE
You’re just embarrassed that you didn’t know what all God’s people say.

LOU
I’m going back in to watch tv before I do something that I would regret. Can you accept that? Can you affirm that this is a good course of action for me? I appreciate those nachos you’re about to make for me.
[To the audience]
And all God’s people said…
[Lights down]

Notes:
Normally Pastor Gregory has the benefit of seeing the sketch ahead of time. This one though we did not share with him. This made him a bit nervous as to what we were going to do.

The hope was that we would actually be able to get one the officers in our congregation to play the office in the sketch. Unfortunately the two I contacted passed.

The points that Lou and Lucie refer to actually came from John's sermon "Affirming the Ministry of Others" that he gave on Sept. 27 2009.

When the sketch was written, the aspect of John playing with stuff in the police car was simply a humorous portrayal. Come to find out, we hit a bullseye in that this is an accurate depiction according to an officer he rides with.

Come in Mama Bear

Sunday 18 October 2009

Sketch summary: It's pastor appreciation Sunday for Donna and she's so busy with the Children's Department that they have to track her down.

Cast:
Presenter - Elizabeth Wiley
'Papa Bear' - Dan Wort
'Baby Bear' - Chris Havens

Credits:
Director - Nina Welding
Author - Nina Welding

Script:

Presenter and Baby Bear enter and stand at podium.

Presenter
As many of you know, we as a congregation have set aside the month of
October and part of November to say “Thank You” to our pastoral staff and tell them how much we appreciate what they do and how well they do it. It’s a special time for us as a congregation …

Papa Bear
(interrupting) This week, we’d like to recognize Donna Fry,
our director of children’s ministries.

Presenter
Yes. (tiny bit taken back by interruption)

Uh, Donna, if you could make your way up to the podium here,
we’ll begin … (awkward pause)

Baby Bear
Do you see her?

Papa Bear
Noooo.

Baby Bear
Does she know this is her week?

Papa Bear
Of course she knows this is her week! She’s probably in one of the children’s areas … that’s where you usually find her on Sunday mornings.

Baby Bear
Yeah, doin’ her job.

Papa Bear
Yes. Doing her job.

Baby Bear
Why don’t I go do that?

Papa Bear
Do what?

Baby Bear
Find her.

Papa Bear
(Look at congregation, look at watch and back at congregation)
OK, but we are on a schedule here.

Baby Bear
No problem. I got it covered. (show walkie-talkie and run off stage
to microphone that’s set up behind the stage)

Papa Bear
(to audience) He doesn’t know Donna very well. She’s everywhere!
But let’s see if we can’t find her.

Baby Bear
Baby Bear calling Papa Bear. Over.

Papa Bear
What? (no response)

Baby Bear
You’re supposed to say “Over.” It’s me Baby Bear.
Over means it’s ok for me to talk. Over.

Papa Bear
Did you find her? (pause) Over.

Baby Bear
Just visited the Farm. Lots of anklebiters, no Donna.
They said I missed her. Do you copy? Over.

Papa Bear
Yes, I “copy.” You have to find her. (pause) Over.

Baby Bear
10-4, Good Buddy. I’m headed to the Jungle. Hope there are no bears there. (Baby Bear laughs, Papa Bear looks annoyed) Over.

Baby Bear
It’s a no-go at the Jungle, but I saw her this time. She’s headed to the Park. Dropping the hammer. No worries. Over.

Papa Bear
(to audience) No worries. He/she’s dropping the hammer. Over. (realize what he's done) Sorry. Not over.

Baby Bear
Papa (Mama) Bear, still got my eyeballs peeled. …Wait. Just saw the Gypsy heading down the Magic Mile. Over.

Papa Bear
What? (no response) What? Over.

Baby Bear
Donna just left the Aquarium, hit the Stadium, and is doubling back on me. … Mayday, mayday. I lost her, but I think she’s headed your way, Good Buddy. Over.

Papa Bear
You lost her! How could you lose her? Wait … I see her. Thanks.

Baby Bear
Over. You’re supposed to say over.

Papa Bear
Over. (to congregation) And, that’s a big 10-4.

Presenter
Now let’s welcome Donna Fry.
(Donna comes forward) Donna. For all you do, and how
you pack so much into every day, thank you.

Notes:

The sketch was originally written for two individuals. Elizabeth was scheduled as the presenter for this weeks past week and it worked out for us to modify the lines a bit to make her part of the sketch. It was our pleasure to have Elizabeth work with us and hope that she is able to again in the future.

Bartlette Bold

Sunday 4 October 2009

Sketch summary: Coffee shop where two individuals meet. They learn about the unseen influence of Seth Bartlette who frequents this establishment.

Cast:
Star - Julie Havens

Buck - Harold Rodgers
Brewer - Dan Wort

Credits:
Director - Harold Rodgers
Author – Harold Rodgers

Script:

Prior to lights coming up, Star and Buck bring two chairs on stage, set them down and then step back.

Lights up.

STAR

[Star takes in a deep breath through her nose.]

I love the smell of coffee. I’m glad you suggested meeting here.

[Star and Buck have a seat.]

BUCK

Glad you like it. It’s the first time I’ve been here as well.

It helps to get away from the interruptions at work. I can focus better when I don’t have the phone ringing, people walking into my office and e-mail alerts popping up every few seconds.

We’ll get down to business after we order and have a few minutes to enjoy some coffee.

[Star and Buck scan the beverage board.]

STAR

That’s interesting. Do you know what a Bartlette Bold might be?

BUCK

Where do you see that?

STAR

Right there underneath the Americano.

[Star points to the board.]

BUCK

Oh, Bartlette Bold. No clue. Must be a local specialty.

STAR

I may give it try.

[Brewer enters chewing gum and smiling.]

BREWER

Hi. I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to change tables.

[Snaps fingers and hits his left palm with the thumb and forefinger of his right hand.]

This table is reserved for our best customer.

BUCK

Interesting. Who would that be?

BREWER

His name’s Seth. He’s a local youth pastor. He’s in here almost every day and always has someone with him.

We’ve even named one of our coffees after him.

[Snaps fingers and hits his left palm with the thumb and forefinger of his right hand.]

BUCK

Let me guess. The Bartlette Bold.

BREWER

Exactly. Isn’t it interesting how the coffee one drinks tells you so much about the person?

STAR

So I take it this Seth guy is a bold individual?

BREWER

Robust, intense and smooth, just like the coffee we named after him.

[Snaps fingers and hits his left palm with the thumb and forefinger of his right hand.]

STAR

Well, I’ll have a Grande Bartlette Bold then.

BREWER

Good choice. And you?

BUCK

I’ll have a Tall Latte, skim, with a shot of vanilla and cinnamon dusted.

BUCK

We’ll be over there since Mr. Bartlette Bold might be coming in.

STAR

I hope he comes in soon. I’d like to see this guy who inspired a coffee to be named after him.

[Lights down]

Director's Notes:
After a long hiatus Stirfry returns with a series of 'skits' for pastor appreciation. Yes, skits. Normally I cringe at the use of skits as to what we do. Normally they are sketches. I think though that these fit more of the skit variety.