A Rough Beginning

Sunday 16 November 2008

Sketch summary: Rob is helpless and asking "why" minutes after an emergency c-section from which is wife is now clinging to life and his newborn son is being prepped for surgery for a hole in his heart.

Cast:
Rob - Joshua Martin
Maryanne - Nina Welding
Doctor - Harold Rodgers

Credits:
Director - Harold Rodgers
Author – Nina Welding

Script:


As scene opens the doctor is talking to Rob, we can’t hear it, but he is obviously affected by what he has said. The doctor puts his hand on Rob's shoulder in consolation then exits. Rob goes to the chair and sits down. He’s a wreck. His mother Maryanne enters.

MARYANNE
[As she is entering] Sorry Rob, the coffee machine is broke. [She sees Rob's demeanor] Rob?

ROB
I don’t get it, Mom. One minute we’re at our weekly check up in the doctor’s office and the next we’re here. No problem through the whole pregnancy … and now … this.

One minute they’re doing an emergency C-section because of the baby’s heartbeat and the next the nurse is telling me they’re trying to stabalize Jody and my son’s in the neonatal unit being prepped for surgery because he has a hole in his heart. But I’m not supposed to worry because they have a pediatric cardiologist on staff.

MARYANNE
Oh, dear. [pause] Did the doctor say anything else?

ROB
He just said to wait here, and someone would be back soon with more information.

MARYANNE
Then I’m sure someone will be back soon.
We’ll just wait right here. [trying to be positive]

ROB
How do I just … wait? … What am I thinking … what could I do anyway? There’s nothing I can do for either my wife or my son right now. I don’t even know what’s happening or why it’s happening.

MARYANNE
Honey, I know how hard this is for you…of all people, you never
have been very good at waiting, for anything. You’re a “get in there
and fix it” kinda guy …

ROB
Why? Why in the world would God let this happen?



Director's Notes:
Originally Maryanne was to enter with a couple of cups of coffee and say "I don't know how good it is, but it's coffee." In our first run through, Nina realized that there was no place to put the coffee down, so we broke the coffee machine.

The author originally envisioned a Laura Petrie type character for mom, thus the name of our main character, Rob, which was Dick Van Dyke's character on the show.

Although I didn't have any lines, I loved my part. I got to dress in scrubs, put on those footie things, hair thingy and mask. The sketch would not have been the same without my character. My philosophy, why only have two when three would make it better. :-)

Chef Henri and the Og

Sunday 7 September 2008 Sketch summary: Miriam is worried that Chris is not fully prepared for the upcoming Hog Roast. Chris tries to ease her mind that all is coming along fine except for one small problem. Someone wants to help. That someone is Chef Henri who can't even pronounce hog properly. Cast: Chris – Chris Havens Miriam - Miriam Wertz Chef Henri - Harold Rodgers Credits: Director - Jeanne Fox Author – Harold Rodgers

Miriam and Chris come walking on stage.

MIRIAM

So Chris, the Hog Roast is a week away.  How are things coming along on your end?

CHRIS

What?  The Hog Roast is next Sunday?

MIRIAM

Chris?!?

CHRIS

I hear we’re going to have some good old gospel music while we’re eating.

MIRIAM

Chris?!?

CHRIS

And those inflatables that kids can climb all over on.

MIRIAM

Chris?!?

CHRIS

I’m just playing.  Things are coming along fine.  We’ll start roasting the hogs Saturday.  It’ll be fine.  There’s just one small problem.

MIRIAM

One small problem?

CHRIS

I’ve got someone who wants to help.

MIRIAM

That’s a problem?

[Chef Henri enters]

CHEF

Bonjour mes amis.  Comment ca vas?

Chris, I ‘ave been looking all over for you.  I know that you want me to bring my expertise to assist you with ze, ze,

CHRIS

Hog

CHEF

Oui!  Ze ‘og.

CHRIS

Hog.  Haaa.  Haaa.  Hog.

CHEF

Zat is what I said, ‘og.

CHRIS

Actually Chef Henry…

CHEF

Henri!  Henri!

CHRIS

Yes, I’m sorry.  Chef Awnry.

I’ve got the cooking of the hog all arranged.

CHEF

But I want to ‘elp.

MIRIAM

You can help Chef.

[Chef turns towards Miriam and Chris is motioning her not to let him help.]

We need families and people like yourself to bring a dessert and a side dish to share.

CHEF

Ah oui.  Yes, I can do zat.  Off to ze kitchen to whip up something special for all of you.

[Chef Henri exits]

CHRIS

Thanks Miriam.  You saved me.  I just couldn’t have spent the night with Chef Awnry and the Og.

Tale of Two Sisters

Sunday 13 April 2008

Sketch summary: Three sisters are sorting through the personal effects of their recently deceased mother. Two of the sisters are on non-speaking terms. The third sister comes across a journal of their mother's that reveals their mother's aching heart.

Cast:
Shirley – Julie Havens
Becky - Jeanne Fox
Audrey - Nina Welding

Credits:
Director - Harold Rodgers
Author – Harold Rodgers

Script:


Lights up on Shirley and Rebecca sorting through boxes of personal effects. They have positioned themselves so that they don’t look at each other. Occasionally they may glance in the direction of the other. This goes on for a while to help the audience realize that they are not talking with each other. Audrey Enters with another box. She takes a seat that is between Shirley and Rebecca.

AUDREY
Only a few more boxes to go. Some times I wonder why she hung on to some of this stuff. It makes me want to go through some of the things I’m hanging on to. I really appreciate you two helping go through this.
[Shirley and Audrey respond with expressions and body movement when the other speaks.]

SHIRLEY
You shouldn’t have to sort through this stuff alone Audrey.

BECKY
All you need to do is ask Audrey, and I’ll help out.

SHIRLEY
I’d never let you down.
[pause while they continue to sort through the boxes.]

BECKY
A cow bell from Geneva Switzerland. When did mom ever go to Switzerland?

SHIRLEY
Becky obviously doesn’t remember that mom and dad took a vacation that summer we were all sent to summer camp.

AUDREY
Mom and dad needed that vacation. The only way they could go was to send us to summer camp at the same time that they went to Europe. Wasn’t that the year you both liked Anthony whats-his-name?

BECKY
Delon. And although both Shirley and I liked him [beat] it was me that he liked.

SHIRLEY
That’s what Becky would like to believe.

AUDREY
So, is there anything interesting in your box Shirley?

SHIRLEY
Not really. Old purses, some old recipes.

BECKY
Audrey I’d like to have the recipes.

SHIRLEY
Audrey, I’d like to have the recipes. You know how I love to cook.

AUDREY
Why don’t I make copies of them and we can all have them.

BECKY
I’d like to have the originals.

AUDREY
I’ll take them for now and we’ll sort it out later.

SHIRLEY
So Audrey, is there anything interesting in your box?

AUDREY
Not so far . . . wait a minute. It looks like a journal.
[Audrey starts leafing through it.]
It looks like short letters to God.
Thank you Lord for the beautiful sunrise this morning. You are the great artist.
[Audrey leafs to another entry.]
“Dear Lord, I’m so weary and my heart aches. Please take this pain from me. Please let. . .”

BECKY
“Please let” what? What pain?

SHIRLEY
You can’t just stop reading it. Finish it.

AUDREY
“Please let Becky and Shirley reconcile before you take me home.”
[Becky gets up and exits. Audrey and Shirley look at each other. Audrey gets up and exits. Shirley puts her face in her hands and the lights go down.]


Author's Notes:
In order to write this sketch, I had to first get some boxes with "stuff" in them so that I knew what items I could write into the sketch. These were items from stuff that we boxed years ago when we moved into our current house. My girls quickly recognized the "stuff" that was coming out of the boxes when the sketch was performed.

The name of the boyfriend is actually the name of the son of a famous French actor Alain Delon from the 60s. Alain's son Anthony also did some acting.

Crucify Barabbas

Sunday 16 March 2008

Sketch summary:Barabbas is in a jail cell with two others. They can hear the crowds shouting outside. All they hear though is "Barabbas" and "Crucify him". They connect the two and all of them believe that Barabbas is headed for the cross. They are astounded when the guard comes for Barabbas to find out that he's being released.

The sermon title was "My Name is Barabbas" and the focal point is that we are all Barabbas, deserving of punishment, but that Christ has died for us.

Cast:
Jacob – Harold Rodgers
Simon - Eric Edmond
Barabbas - Chris Havens
Guard - Craige Johnson

Credits:
Director - Jeanne Fox
Author – Harold Rodgers & Jeanne Fox

Script:
Lights up on three stage boxes with actors sitting on each. Jacob and Simon downstage. Barabbas upstage. Possibly we hear the distant cries of Barabbas and Crucify him.

JACOB
It’s not sounding good for Barabbas. You can hear the crowds calling his name and calling out “crucify him”.

SIMON
And what did you expect? He and his terrorist rebels are responsible for murder.

JACOB
But why this call for his death now?

SIMON
Something has stirred up the people. Just be glad that it’s not you or I they are calling for.

JACOB
Look at him, Simon. He knows what’s coming. He knew they would come for him sooner or later.

SIMON
An eye for an eye, a life for a life.

JACOB
He’s probably cheated death so many times that he convinced himself he was invincible. But now, Barabbas realizes that the end is near. Death is knocking on his door.
[Barabbas gets down off his block and walks up behind Jacob and Simon. He puts his hands around the Jacob’s neck and begins choking him.]

BARABBAS
Cheated death? Certainly. Invincible? Obviously not. And neither are you. Is death knocking at your door?

SIMON
We didn’t mean nothing.

BARABBAS
A man who has nothing to loose can be a very dangerous man. Wouldn’t you agree?
[Barabbas with his hands still around Jacob’s neck shakes it around a bit.]

JACOB
Yes.

BARABBAS
Then be careful how you talk about the condemned.
[Barabbas releases Jacob’s neck with a thrust.]
Someday they could be calling your name. What will go through your mind? You know you are guilty. You know you deserve what is coming. Do you fight it? Do you accept it? You can’t change what has been done.
[Barabbas hangs his head in silence.]
[Guard enters.]

GUARD
Barabbas. You’re to come with me.

BARABBAS
It’s going to take more than one oyf you to take me down. Do your best fool.

GUARD
You’re the fool Barabhbas. They’re setting you free.
[Barabbas and the other prisoners are astonished.]
The people are crazy. They’re calling for your release, and Pilate is feeling generous.

SIMON
But they were shouting “Cruicify him!”

GUARD
Didn’t I tell you the people are crazy? They want to crucify that rabbi, the one called Jesus of Nazareth and set Barabbas free. [beat] [To Barabaas] You’d better come with me and get out of here before Pilate comes to his senses.

[As the Guard and Barabbas exit. Jacob and Simon look at each other. Then Simon calls after them.]
SIMON
But what about us?
[Lights down.]

Rags To Riches

Sunday 24 February 2008

Sketch summary: We can live our lives in spiritual rags, but riches await us.

Cast:
Ted – Harold Rodgers
Jack - Craige Johnson
Emily - Nina Welding

Credits:
Director - Jeanne Fox
Author – Jeanne Fox

Script:
Setting Scene 1: In a back alley sits a cardboard box. Inside a homeless man, Ted, is curled up. Soon, Jack also homeless, arrives and kicks him out. Emily, a social worker stops by and is looking for an Alexander Rothschild whom she suspects is Jack. An inheritance awaits him.

Setting Scene 2: The cardboard box now just has a blanket and some pillows. A man in a suit walks up to the box, knocks and calls out for Ted. We recognize the voice as that of Jack. Jack looks around for Ted, who is not to be found. He looks at the box contemplating his past. He pulls out a wad of bills, slides it under the blanket. Jack begins to leave, looks back momentarily at the box, then leaves.


SCENE 1
(JACK makes his way through the audience begging for money. He approaches the stage where the box is located)

JACK
Can you spare some change?
How about a buck for a burger.
You look like you could spare a few dead presidents.
Obama's looking for change and so am I.

(Jack arrives at the box and sees Ted in it. He kicks the box to get Ted out.)
JACK
Ted, what do you think you doing?

TED
Just keeping it warm for you, Jack.
(scrambles out)

JACK
This is my box. Don’t you even think about moving in here.

TED
Sorry Jack, I was just trying to stay out of the wind a bit.

JACK
Well, find your own box then.
(Jack crawls into the box.)

TED
Hey, Jack, that social worker lady was around here looking for you.

JACK
What does she want?

TED
I don’t know. But she said she’d come back around later. Are you gonna run away?

JACK
Why? So you can take my box?

TED
No, Jack, nothing like that. Uh, oh…

(Emily enters and knocks on the box.)

EMILY
Jack?

JACK
Who’s asking?

EMILY
It’s just Emily, from the welfare office.

JACK
Yeah, what do you want?

EMILY
I have a few questions for you. Is that okay?

JACK
I guess. But make it quick. I’m having tea with the mayor this afternoon.

(TED laughs)

EMILY
I’ll keep that in mind. Jack, how long have you been on the streets?

JACK
I don't know, five, six years. Does it look like I have a calendar in here?

EMILY
Where were you living before that?

JACK
Around.

EMILY
Jack, is your real name Alexander Rothschild?

TED
Alexander? Bah ha ha!

JACK
(Scurries out of the box)
Who told you that?

EMILY
Someone is looking for you.

JACK
Well, anyone who knows me by that name, doesn’t want to see me like this. So you just tell them you couldn’t find Alexander Rothschild.

EMILY
Did you have an uncle named Fredrick?

JACK
Uncle Freddy? Yeah, he’s the one who used to take me fishing when I was a kid. I haven't seen him since then. He lived out west some where. California maybe.

EMILY
Well, you must have made quite an impression. There is a lawyer who has been trying to find you. Your uncle left his entire estate to you.

JACK
Estate? This box here is my entire estate.

EMILY
Jack, if what this lawyer tells me is true, you are a very wealthy man.

JACK
I'll believe it when I see it.

EMILY
Come on, I’m supposed to meet him in 15 minutes.

JACK
I guess it couldn't hurt.

(EMILY & JACK exit)

TED
Does this mean I can I have your box?

SCENE 2
The cardboard box now just has a blanket and some pillows. A man in a suit walks up to the box, knocks and calls out for Ted. We recognize the voice as that of Jack. Jack looks around for Ted, who is not to be found. He looks at the box contemplating his past. He pulls out a wad of bills, slides it under the blanket. Jack begins to leave, looks back momentarily at the box, then leaves.


NOTES:
The original sketch at the end of scene 1 had Jack reacting to the fact that he might be a wealthy man by yelling "Woohoo!", throwing his hat in the air and singing "I'm in the money.." During our Wednesday evening practice we decided to go with a more skeptical reaction.

Scene 2 of the original sketch had Ted on stage and Jack returning to take him with him. During our Wednesday evening practice we opted for a more serious, hopefully thought provoking ending that just involved Jack.

(JACK enters, now clean and dressed to the nines. He knocks on the top of the box in which TED is sound asleep)
JACK: Ted! Wake up!
TED: Hey, who do you think you are? This is my box!
JACK: No, it’s mine.
TED: Jack? Well, I declare! Look at you!
JACK: I’ve come to settle some things.
TED: You want your box back?
JACK: No, I’m gonna burn that box in a glorious bonfire.
TED: But Jack, that’s a good box. Why don’t you just leave it to me to take care of it?
JACK: You can’t do that.
TED: Sure I can.
JACK: Nope, because you’re moving in with me. I’ve got a mansion that will make your head spin. Come on Ted, I’m taking you home.

Meet the Toxins

Sunday 20 January 2008

Sketch summary: In our daily lives we come across individuals whose mere presence can be toxic to us. We need to be able to identify and deal with them appropriately. This sketch introduces us to such a family.

Cast:
Ted Toxin – Chris Havens
Trudy Toxin - Jeanne Fox
Ned the Neighbor - Steve Matteson

Credits:
Director - Jeanne Fox
Author – Jeanne Fox

Script:
Setting: Ted Toxin has just arrived home from work. The general appearance of the home and the Toxin’s should give an impression of disrepair, neglect and grossness.


TED: Hey Trudy! Where are you?

TRUDY: I’m right here. Don’t get your bowels in an uproar.

TED: When a man comes home he expects his old lady to be ready to greet him appropriately.

TRUDY: Well, when I see an old lady, I’ll let her know. How was your day?

TED: It was great!

TRUDY: Really?

TED: Yeah, you know that intern that started yesterday?

TRUDY: Yeah.

TED: I made him cry today!

TRUDY: Ted, you’re slipping. You usually bring ‘em to tears by the end of the first day.

TED: Give me a break. I had a meeting yesterday afternoon. So get this, the boss calls me in and tells me I’m too hard on the kid. Too hard! The loser should thank me for showing him how to be a man. So what did you do today, besides your nails?

TRUDY: I had a nice little meeting with the principal. It seems as if Tommy has been getting into trouble.

TED: Doing what?

TRUDY: Sassing the teacher, picking on other kids, fighting at recess, making girls cry.

TED: Duh, he’s a boy isn’t he? It’s not like he’s setting the school on fire.

TRUDY: No, that was last year. So I told the principal that his teacher obviously has a problem maintaining discipline in the classroom, and that is hardly Tommy’s fault.

TED: Exactly! I always said she was a wimp.

TRUDY: Well, we won’t have to deal with her whiney attitude anymore. She is switching to Kindergarten, with the rest of the babies.

TED: Good! (Knock at the door) Oh great! It’s that guy from next door.

TRUDY: Ned?

TED: Yeah, the one who won’t let his kids play with Tommy.

TRUDY: He probably saw you drive up. You’d better let him in.

TED: (opens door) Yeah, what do you want?

NED: I would like to talk to you for a moment if I could.

TED: Okay, come on in.

NED: Oh, that’s not necessary.

TED: Well, you might leave the door open all winter at your house, but we don’t. So either come in or leave.

NED: Okay, if you insist.

TRUDY: Hi, Ned.

NED: (nods in acknowledgement) Trudy. Um, I guess I might as well get straight to the point.

TED: Good, cause I’m bored already.

NED: Well, I came to talk about Tommy.

TRUDY: I haven’t seen him.

NED: Well, no, I don’t suppose you have. You see, he has been chasing our cat all around the neighborhood.

TED: So?

NED: He set its tail on fire!

TRUDY: The fluffy whit cat?

NED: Yes! Miss Puff.

TED: I bet that tail went up in a puff of smoke.

(TED and TRUDY burst out laughing)

NED: This isn’t funny!

TRUDY: Now, Ned, you gotta admit that is quite creative for Tommy.

NED: Creative isn’t the word that comes to mind.

TED: Well, if you kept your cat in your own house, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

NED: Are you saying this is my fault?

TRUDY: I don’t see how it’s mine.

NED: Unbelievable!

TED: Maybe you’ll think twice before you let your cat do its business in our yard.

(NED leaves)

TRUDY: Good job, honey! Did you see that vein in his forehead popping out? I think I even saw him tearing up when he left!