Get Real - photos - sketch

 Get Real

Performed: March 25 2001

Theme: Being Real - Spiritual Friendship series

Setting: Library where Leroy is out trying to pick up women.  He happens upon another lounge lizard like himself.  It is with his new friend that he is able to get real and begin to open up.

Characters: Leroy Wannabe (Dave Brewer) - wears an outlandish sports coat and is obnoxious

 Christie (Wendy Adams) - library patron 

Donald Wuan (Bill Barnwell) - another Leroy type 

Jane (Miriam Wertz) - library patron

(CHRISTIE enters with a book.  She finds a seat, sits down and begins to read.  LEROY makes his entrance, circles his prey and begins to hit on CHRISTIE)

LEROY: (Has a book, it's up side down and obvious he has no clue what the book is.)  So, do you come here often?

CHRISTIE:  (Realizing that LEROY's hitting on her and she's not interested.)  Only when I'm looking for a good book.

LEROY:  Well, isn't that a coincidence.

CHRISTIE:  (sarcastic)  I'll say.  Who would have ever thought that two people looking for a good book would meet in a library.  By the way,  your book is upside down.

LEROY:  (unfazed by her comments)  Is it?  Maybe my good looks have just turned you upside down.  You know, my life is like an open book.  Of course, I probably don't need to tell you that do I.

CHRISTIE:  No you don't.  Just like a book, your jacket gives it all away.

LEROY:  I'd say the title gives it all away.  (Referring to himself)  And this books title is Leroy.  In French, Leroy means, the king.  (Referring to her)  And what is the title of the book I'm reading right now?

CHRISTIE:  (Looks upside down at his book)  It's hard to tell, you still have it upside down.

LEROY:  No! Not the book I'm reading.  (pointing at her)  The book I'm reading.

CHRISTIE:  If you're asking my name, it's Christie.  Not that it's any of your business.

LEROY:  Au contraire.  All women are my business.

CHRISTIE:  Get real.

LEROY:  I know what you mean.  I'm like a dream come true and I'm talking to you. 

CHRISTIE:  Uh, I'll pass.

LEROY:  You know Christie, if you were a book, I'd say you were a ...romance novel.  Am I right?

CHRSTIE:  Not a chance.  And if you were a book, I'd say you were written by Stephen King.

LEROY:  (Taking it as a compliment) Oh really?  Can't say that I'm familiar with Stephen King.

CHRISTIE:  (Seeing a chance to rid herself of him, she says coyly)  Well, why don't you go look for some of his books and see what I mean.

LEROY:  I think I will.  (Exits to back of stage with his back to the audience)

CHRISTIE:  (To herself)  You'll find him in the horror section.  (Goes back to reading her book.)

DONALD: (Enters, circles his prey and begins to hit on CHRISTIE)  So, do you come here often?

CHRISTIE:  (This is too much.  Gets up to leave.)  Not anymore.

DONALD:  That's because you have just found Mr. Right.  

CHRISTIE:  Wrong.  (Exits)

DONALD:  (Not giving up)  I've got my library card and I want to check you out.  (no response)  You look like a romance novel to me.  (no response)  You'll be sorry you shelved me.  (Finally gives up and sits down.)

LEROY:  (Coming back from the stacks thinking she's still there.)  Did you say Stephan King?  All I found by him were horror novels.  You must have...(Realizes that CHRISTIE is gone and DONALD is here.)  What happened to Chrisite?

DONALD:  It's a mystery to me.  

LEROY:  It's a shame, she'll never know what she missed.

DONALD:  You got that right.  

LEROY:  (Sits down.  Looks at Donald who is looking dejected.)  You look like a paperback that has just had it's covers torn off.

DONALD:  (After a moment of thought he opens up to LEROY.)  Just between you and me, I haven't had a date in three years.

LEROY:  No way!

DONALD:  Way!

LEROY:  (Looks around.)  Well, unless you count taking my mother to the grocery store, I haven't had a date in (Looks around again to make sure no one else hears him) Five years.

DONALD:  No way!

LEROY:  Way!  I'm afraid to let them know the real me.  I mean, I don't have an important job...

DONALD:  (Thinking as one with LEROY)  ...or a fancy car...

LEROY:  ...I'm no good a sports...

DONALD:  ...can't change my own oil...

LEROY:  ...still live at home...

DONALD:  (in agreement)...still live at home...

LEROY:  Say,  I think you and I are cruising down the same highway.  

DONALD: Taking the scenic route.  

(JANE enters walking through looking at a book.  As she exits LEROY and DONALD make the moves following her offstage.)

LEROY:  Excuse me, but I think you're overdue.  Overdue for a date with someone like me.

DONALD:  I've got my library card and I'm going to check you out.

LEROY:  Leroy, the king, is back in circulation.

DONALD:  I've placed myself on reserve for you.